i either want or need answers

Satan is attacking me closer than I thought could happen.

I used to think everything with my sister was Satan attacking me personally. my money problems were personal, friend problems, and things with my dad, i thought that was personal. but this is worse.

mostly because i totally did not see this coming. of course, I know he attacks when least expecting it, but this is out of the blue and hit me in the face.

and i don't know what to do.

the word confused doesn't even BEGIN to describe my feelings.

i've never been more stressed about my expenses like rent, car payment, insurance, phone bill, i don't have a job, my sister is drifting from us, i miss my mom, i miss my best friends from high school and i'm dying to see my dad healthy again, for good. and i dont know what to do.

i'm stuck.

all i can do is turn to God, the most powerful King of all and my heavenly Father who loves me.

so why am I not?

why am I trying to figure this out all on my own? i simply don't understand my problem.

then i'm reminded that thats what satan wants. he wants me to question myself. he wants me to think its my problem, that its something wrong with me. but its not. its all him.

surrender

thats what i need to finally do. i keep telling myself i don't have time, but thats a lie. i need to get my priorities straight.

God first. I need to know that He will take care of me.

He loves me.

and if His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

i decided today on another tattoo idea:

Gracia como lluvia (Grace like rain)

and that may change within a few weeks but at this point its applicable to my life.

Lord of everything in heaven and earth,

I know You love me. I know You are the most powerful King of kings. And I know You will take care of me. So right here and now, i'm giving it all over to You. By Your will alone, I will find a job, I will be able to pay for the needed things, my sister will return to us, my dad will get better permanently, my friends will seek You before anything, and everything will be ok. Why? because You love me and You want to take care of me. After all, You chose me. I knew it was going to be hard, but this is more pain than I was expecting. So i'm begging You to step in and take control. Only You can change things in my life, so please do just that. I love You, I praise You and I thank You. Yes, it's not enough, but I offer all of me to You.

Thank You, Ruler of all,

Your daughter,

Samantha Kathryn Tabor