Identity

so i just realized this

i don't know who i am anymore

isn't it sad that i was defined by things of this world that are temporary? i thought i had it all figured out, that i was good and things were good for me.

and constantly i asked that He would challenge me, my faith in Him.

so He did. He took away from me the things that i had in my life to define myself. and now i'm lost.

i don't know who i am...that's scary.

am i fun? am i confident? am i secure? am i smart? am i strong?

am i silly? am i awkward? do i love people? what are my hobbies?

what's my favorite book? favorite movie? song?

where's my favorite place to be? am i committed?

am i doing what i love? does it matter?

what motivates me?

what's my story?

where so i belong?

who do i fit in with?

who can i be the most comfortable around?

when am i truly myself?

i dont know

but the one thing that i do know is Him.

He is mine and I am His.

and that's all i know

and nothing will take that away from me.

bring whatever you want up against me, nothing will pull me away from His love and my faith is continually being strengthened.

i may not know who i am anymore, but He holds me in His hand and knows me better than anyone.

and for now i only belong to Him.

and that's my identity

not happy

this semester has been hard for me

many times i've wanted to scream, yell, cry and just sleep...for a long time

and this is one of those moments.

i'm angry, upset, hurt, sad, and words cannot express the feelings i'm feelings

i'll just a vent a tad about why i feel this way, even tho i could go on for forever

i just got off the phone with my mom and she asked about my TEACH Grant i should have been getting

as we were talking, i read an email from the wonderful MSU Financial Aid

it stated that, as I've been waiting for months for this large sum of money

i won't be able to get it until i pull my GPA up .5 points

anger

failure

disappointment

hopeless

all filled my insides

i won't be able to do any the things i was hoping on doing this christmas season

like shopping with the girls of my family

or hanging out with friends

and all because of money

that's the worst part of it all

money is controlling my mood

and that's just a small percentage of what my semester has looked like