this little piggy went home

hiya peeps

recently i've been thinking

but what else is new?

i care too much about what people think

and one thing that i think too much about is my home

in my heart, i have 1, 2, 3 homes

but what other people see...it is not so

and there are many definitions of home



albany, georgia:

- my first boyfriend

- my second family

- an amazing church

i love albany georgia. i may not have many friends who live there, but i have enough. and most times these few people that call me their friends, don't always act like. i honestly understand that people are busy and its totally acceptable to not be able to call me everyday or email me every week or something. but honestly, what does it take to send a text? i mean i'm pretty darn sure they text their other friends and talkt to them more often. i'm not asking for a 3 hour conversation and to tell me everything about their life, but i feel like i'm just a "bench friend". like i'm there when they're bored or when they remember me and wanna talk or something. either way, i still love these people and just wish they understand how i see friends and that its a two way street. i cannot till the next time i see them



senatobia, mississppi

- my grandparents

- their church where everyone knows me

- my first job

- my first car

this will ALWAYS be a home to me...because for my whole life i've ended up coming back here. my grandparents are two of the most amazing people i know. i love senatobia. being a town with about 7,000 (+/-) people its just lovely. i dont have many friends there and thats the only thing i do not like about it. people have accepted me and it seemed like they tolerated me, but no one really connnected with me. and i will take some of the blame because i'm a little shy at the beginning, but i dont like putting myself in a situation where people may not want me there. i love the church and the people in it, because it is a family...literally i might be related to half the people in there in some way or another



quito, ecuador

- my best friends

- my sisters

- learned the most about myself

- had a better relationship with Christ

now some people may be able to argue with me that this is not my home. because i've only lived there 2 years and they lived there for their whole lives it could be more of their home than mine, but i'm not gonna argue.

"home is where the heart is" and if that is true, my home is in quito, ecuador. no matter how long i lived there, i love that place, maybe more than anywhere else i've ever been. i made the best friends there and even though i may not keep in touch with all of them, i know that t of those girls will always be there for me and will never leave my side. things seemed to have gotten much better here than anywhere else. quito has seen my ups and my downs and might know pretty much everything about me. it is my home.



apart from that first saying, i've also heard "home is where the suitcase is" and in that case, i have a home in flowood, ms; madison, ms; senatobia, ms; quito, ecuador and of course, my car. so i dont care what you think. i have many homes because of what i've learned about myself, about others and about Christ. it depends on the friends i've made and how welcome i feel in that place. so you can argue with me all you want, and because i'm paranoid i'm pretty sure you wont argue at all, but i love my homes. and i cannot wait to get back to all of them



i take a bow

thank you and goodnight

lost, blind, i'm found and can see

i was so scared of everything You put in front of me
i've been arching every part of me
just to see
see
why You need me to be
the boy [girl] You need me to be

amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that SAVES a wretch like me
i once was lost
and now i'm found
was blind but now i see

i just wanna see

i'm the type of person who lets fear drive
i'm the type of guy [gal] who lets it drive
because i'm addicted, i'm needy,
i'm lost without You
I NEED YOU
I NEED YOU

amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saves a wretch like me
i once was lost
but now i'm found
was blind but now i see

amazing grace (amazing grace)
how sweet the sound (how sweet)
that saved a wretch like me (that saved a wretch like me)
i once was lost
but now i'm found (You know i'm found)
was blind but now i see

AMAZING GRACE (YOU'RE AMAZING)
HOW SWEET THE SOUND (YOU'RE AMAZING)
THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME
I ONCE WAS LOST (IT FEELS SO BAD WHEN YOU'RE LOST AND ALONE)
BUT NOW I'M FOUND
WAS BLIND BUT NOW I'M FOUND
--Amazing Because It Is by The Almost

wow...
i'm so lost
and this is so right
"how sweet the sound"
what does that mean?
the sound of hearing that God gives us grace...but not just any old human grace...He gives us AMAZING grace...
the kind of grace that we dont deserve because of all we do to Him

grace: noun
free and unmerited favor...of God

thats right
its free
its a gift
and its unmerited
meaning we don't do nothing to deserve it
nada
zilch
nothing
zero
as humans, i dont think we can comprehend that

no one gets free, unmerited grace
not unless the person gets something in return...even if its not said
they will hold it above their heads.
they will remember that time they gave grace
so when the time comes for the reciever to give it, they have to

and then God came along, and gave us AMAZING GRACE
and not only did He GIVE it to us...He continues giving it to us
that SAVES a wretch like me
that especially does not happen in humans
we give once, maybe twice, but after that we cant do it anymore
we cant continue to forgive
and continue to trust people

God made us this way for a reason
that is so that we will run to Him
people will let us down
always
those people
those humans you look up
that i look up to
make mistakes
and are not perfect
and do things that they shouldnt
why?

Job 22:3 - What please would it give the Almighty if you were righteous? What would He gain if you were blameless?

but God will NEVER dissapoint us
even when we dissapoint Him
He'll give us grace...AMAZING GRACE

Ephesians 2:8-10
FOR BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED through faith, and that NOT OF YOURSELVES; IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD, not, of works, lest anyone should boast. FOR WE ARE HIS WORKMANSHIP, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

no expirience

so who knows? i've never done this before...you know. expressing my feelings for everyone to see. i'm so hard to explain and right now i'm all full of emotions.

at this moment i do not feel loved by those around me. i do have people who love me and i know that. but sometimes, i get frustrated.

i do not like hypocrites, even tho i know i am one

i do not like fake people, even tho sometimes i'm not completely real

i do not like those who think they're better than me, even tho i feel the same sometimes

i do not like those who try to be perfect

i do not like those who have to make fun of others to make themselves feel better, even tho i'm guilty of this

so summed up, i might not like who i am

i'm trying to change

and i know God is workin in me

its hard tho

i want my friends

i want new friends

i want new relationships where i can be myself

i want people to understand me

and no one does

no one

but Christ knows me

and i cant get that through my thick skull...He knows me better than i know me.

cray cray right?

i desire someone who loves me and knows me and can tell when i'm feeling a certain way and how i'd react to a certain situation.

i want pure, unconditional love

thats me

thats what i long for

and i pray that's in God's will



amen

and amen

;)