Sunday

Every Sunday. I go to church and every Sunday, without fail, I'm convicted. I make myself sick. Every Sunday during Church, I tell myself and I tell God, "I'm through. I'm done complaining about life. I'm done living for the world. I'm done saying 'I'll read my Bible later.' or 'I'll spend time with You later.' " And what happens? The exact same thing. I fail. I fail myself and I fail my Lord. Every Sunday I make another empty promise. Every Sunday I tell myself, "This time will be different." But its not. I always fall through.

I absolutely love the 2 churches I attend. The one in Starkville is Pinelake and the pastor and music is amazing. The worship is contemporary and it's what I love to do the best. The preacher uses the Word and preaches the truth. The church in Senatobia with my parents is simply perfect. And completely different from Pinelake. First Baptist Church of Senatobia has one of the best pastors ever. Each Sunday I've attended there, it seems like he is speaking just to me. The worship isn't necessarily contemporary, but it's worship. It's simple and it's beautiful. And no matter where I attend, I'm convicted.

And I love it.

I'm told and reminded every Sunday that I'm a sinner. Things in my life are not right and I need to make a change. I need to change my daily habits so they are pleasing to the One that I serve. And every Sunday I feel like I'm getting closer to that goal. And every Sunday I'm scared of failing. I'm scared because I know my history. I tell myself one thing, and do something else. I tell myself I'll change everything and nothing changes.

This morning I went to Sunday School with my parents. We read Psalm 121.

"I lift my eyes up to the hills,

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel

will neither slumber not sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

the Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

He will keep your life.

The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in

from this time for and forever more."

Also, in "big church" the pastor talked about having a faith that conquers all impossibilities. A conquering faith. That's what I want. And to do that, I have to tell myself over and over again that I'm going to change things. And I don't have to be scared. Because I've got the Lord of all. I'm on His side, so I'm going to win. That doesn't mean I don't have to do anything. It just means that I have no need to worry. I need to work hard at my relationship with Christ, and know that everything will be alright.

So things are going to be different. Starting today. No, I won't be totally holy today or even tomorrow. But I'm not going to give up just because I'm a sinner. Because in Christ, there is victory!