aprendiendo

wow

constantly i am humbled and shown how insignificant i am

and how much i sin

gosh

all throughout the day i sin

not just once a day...all the time...all day

ew

who wants that in their lives? in their hearts?

definitely not me

but THANK THE LORD, i have His Holy Spirit to convict me. to tell me straight up, "you're doing it again!"

and even tho i constantly sin, God still blesses me

WHAT'S WITH THAT?

i have so so so much to be thankful for in my life, but why do i have it? why, why, why? when i disobey Him over and over again?

i dont deserve what i'm given. i dont deserve the amazing friends i have. i dont deserve the best parents i could ever ask for. i dont deserve to be financially ok when i constantly question if i'm gonna be able to make it thru next week.

when i make a mistake, like denting my uncles car and stress and worry and question God whether or not i'm gonna be able to pay for it, He definitely doesnt need to save me from that stress. i should have to break down and say, "ok, God, You've got this. i know its gonna be ok, because You've NEVER let me down before"

i should have to cut certain things out of my life to make sure that i'm getting done what needs to be done.

instead, God gives me an amazing uncle who decided that i dont have to pay him back until after school

Wait...WHAT?! i dont deserve that!! i should be punished, not forgiven

but God loves me

HE loves me.

The

King of Kings,

Almighty,

Most Powerful,

Most High,

Worthy

God

of the Universe and more

loves

Samantha

Kathryn

Tabor.

one student of 1800 at Mississippi State University

out of all the 19-almost-20 year olds in the world, He loves me

He cares for me, He is jealous for me

those words havent been more meaningful to me.

He is jealous for me

He desires to spend time with me.

all of my selfishness and my ickiness, my pride and my failures, He looks past it and wants to help me get through the hard times

and i cannot comprehend it

so that's what i'm learning.

that He loves me

as much as i dont deserve getting a good parking spot after complaining about working late or getting the best grade on the worst paper i've ever written or having the best parents ever while i still whine about not getting what i want, He loves me

and i dont see how anyone, let alone the most perfect God, could love me.

but He does

and i am so grateful

He LOVES me

wow...